Crushing and Beautiful

I had just finished working out. My body was dripping with sweat and my legs were about to start a revolution against me so as to never have to work out again.

I grabbed my Gatorade and sat down in the floor, leaning back against our love seat.

The house was quiet.  Yes, abnormally quiet for a house that normally teeters on the brink of destruction with me and five sons for whom Sarah is our only saving grace.

But alas, she wasn't home and neither were any of the five little Indians. They had traveled for some time away to Virginia to visit family, allowing me some time to write.

My heart still deciding whether or not it wanted to keep beating after the workout I just did, my phone rang identifying the call coming from "Sarah Cell."

When I answered, the words she said would commence a second round of what would be, in the words of Charles Dickens, the best of times and the worst of times.

Sarah had received a phone call from Dave, who wears a number of hats but serves as the transplant coordinator for pediatrics at Duke University Medical Center. A donor liver had come available for Micah.

Micah had been placed on the waiting list in March, just about a month after Titus was born and a short 7 months after we had welcomed home our fourth son Malachi. Now, Micah would have a second transplant.

We like to keep things quiet and easy around our house if you didn't notice!

So began another crushing and beautiful journey. 

Crushing as the emotions came while thinking about the family who walked through death, though giving so someone may gain life. The complications that brought four additional emergency surgeries. Watching your 7 year old boy who had entered the hospital so healthy and vibrant struggle and endure what I'm not sure I could.

Beautiful as our family gathered and the family of Jesus prayed and supported. Beautiful to see how God wastes no ounce of suffering, but can use even the vilest of times and darkest of experiences to display His goodness and glory. The continual pruning work the Father does in my heart and life. But what an amazing day, after 60 days, when Micah walked out of the hospital with me to get into the car and go home.

It has been a year since that phone call. Tomorrow will be a year since the actual surgery.  God has, as always, been abundantly faithful and gracious beyond what we could ever deserve.

If you are reading this post, chances are you were part of that journey. So today I want to express deep gratitude on behalf of our whole family for your prayers, love, and encouragement during those days. Words cannot express what we would like to convey.

Do Whatever

Jesus' coming out party took place at a wedding. Not His but we're never told whose wedding. 

The first miraculous act displaying His glory happened at a wedding (Read here). Wine was important not only because it was the drink of celebrations, but because suitable drinking water or other substitute beverages weren't available. The poor people of Israel didn't yet have the joy of some sweet tea!

When the wine ran out, the groom and his entire family were on the verge of losing face and being shamed publicly. Regardless of whether it was poor planning on their part or people enjoying the wine a little too much, they ran out and this was not a good situation.

Jesus' mom was at the wedding and probably serving the guests. When she learns that the wine is gone, she goes to tell Jesus.

Mary didn't necessarily know what Jesus would do. She just knew He could help.

She tells the problem to Jesus. And though I'm skipping some details here, she then tells the servants standing nearby to "do whatever Jesus tells them to do."

The greatest advice I could ever follow with my life or give to another are those uttered by Jesus' mom to the servants that day. Whatever Jesus says, whatever He commands, whatever He asks for, we should do it. It may not follow human logic. You and I may not be able to reason why He wants us to do so.

Who was Mary to tell them to obey Jesus? And yet she did. Who was Jesus that they should obey Him? And yet they did.

Not without risk and faith. Wine was what they needed, yet Jesus tells them to fill six pots with water. They had to trust Jesus by faith because what they were seeing were pots filled with water. And yet, because they believed and did exactly what He said, they witnessed the glory of God on display in the life of the only Son of God. All six pots that had been filled with water were turned to wine. A fermentation process that normally happens over days with pressed grapes happened in moments with ordinary water.

What will you and I witness, what will we get to be part of, how will He use us, in what ways will the mission of God advance when we simply by faith trust Him enough to do whatever He says to or asks of us?

Come and See

Jesus never grows nervous by those individuals who express doubt but are willing to honestly seek Him.

When His first disciples came to follow Him, He asked them, "What are you seeking?" His invitation to their response was, "Come and See."

Later when Philip, one of the four first followers of Jesus, went to share the good news of finding Jesus with a man named Nathanael, Nathanael doubted. He wasn't sure he was ready to believe. But Philip simply invited him to "Come and See."

There will never be a moment when a person who comes to see will ever find that Jesus doesn't meet up to the claims and promises He makes or the character of perfection. Those who come and see will find Him to be everything He claims.

So come and see.

Those who have already come to see that Jesus is everything you need, do not be alarmed when others doubt. Simply invite them to come and see as well.

August 3 Update

The last update I posted has been a few weeks back now. My failure to do an official post wasn't so much for lack of desire as for lack of information.

Micah has been sick. He's been up and down, but more down than up. Unfortunately, there's been too little information about why and even more troubling no way of determining what to do about it.

On Friday Micah had a liver biopsy. It was almost the liver biopsy that didn't happen. The results came back showing inflammation in the liver consistent with rejection. In the grand scheme of things, it is mild. Micah has been receiving powerful doses of steroids the last two days to knock his immune system down to curb the rejection.

Micah's bilirubin level was down by 2 points at last check. We celebrate that and hope this indicates the steroids are addressing the rejection and helping his liver function better.

He has been receiving nutrition in his feeding tube that was inserted Friday as well. Micah's calorie and protein intake have been below what is needed to maintain and certainly far lower than what is needed to replenish what he's lost. The tube is necessary evil for him. It isn't comfortable and he wrestles with the discomfort of it. However, it appears to be giving him the much needed nutrition.

Today has been a better day than the past few. Perhaps it is the nutrition, perhaps the treatment of the rejection, perhaps the blood transfusion from yesterday, or maybe the mix of all the above. He even enjoyed a few moments when his two younger brothers showed up to visit. But then again, who couldn't Titus and Malachi make smile.

We are grateful for your prayers. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be back at Refuge Church and preaching this morning for the first time in 5 weeks. It was also a joy to have the people gather around to pray for me, our family, and, more importantly and specifically, Micah.

Whew!

My summary of the last few days, beginning around 6:30 PM on Monday, would be one word: Whew!

We knew Micah was listed to receive a new liver, but we never knew when.

We knew having a transplant comes with many challenges, but we never can tell what they will be.

We knew that God has always shown Himself mighty, but we hoped it wouldn't have to occur as it did.

On Monday evening around 6:30 PM, I received a call from Sarah who was in Virginia visiting family with all our boys (minus me who was still in Raleigh). Her first words were: "So Dave just called from Duke." Dave is the transplant coordinator for pediatrics. There was no guesswork to figure out why Dave from Duke had called. But she continued, "They have a liver for Micah." 

Immediately Sarah began to journey back to North Carolina and to Duke Hospital. I began preparing to get everything together on my end to meet them at the hospital.

We all arrived at the hospital at around 10:00 PM Monday evening. Micah was admitted and work began to prepare him for the transplant that didn't begin until 6:00 AM on Tuesday morning. The surgery ended in the late afternoon.

An ultrasound would be done of the liver each day for at least the first few days. The Tuesday night ultrasound reading came back showing no flow in the portal vein. Micah's previous portal vein clotted off in the first year of his last transplant. This is really what started us down the road to where we are today with a second transplant. A CT Scan confirmed a clot had obstructed the portal vein.

I had traveled home to get some sleep when Sarah called at around 2:00 AM to tell me. One of the longest drives I've ever had back to Duke took place early Wednesday morning. Micah was heading into emergency surgery to hopefully remove the clot. Clotting was removed and flow restored. The bile duct was also repaired that showed some leakage. Steps were taken to try to fix what may have caused the clotting.

Two follow-up ultrasounds showed a small clot still in the portal vein though blood was flowing through it. A decision was made to go back to the operating room again to remove this clotting. This was done successfully and the vein has continued to remain open as of right now.

In the meantime, our oldest son Isaac celebrated the entrance into double digits on Wednesday. In the middle of having Micah operated on twice, our family gathered in the PICU waiting room for pizza and cake to celebrate his birthday.

Today Micah has rested most of the day, getting his breathing tube out this morning. We continue to pray for the portal vein to remain open and healing to occur timely and well. 

We cannot express enough our grateful we are for your encouraging words shared, prayers offered on our behalf, and visits with us and our family. Please also take time to give thanks on our behalf for God's favor that He has poured out in answering our prayers. May we be like the one beggar who returned to give thanks to Jesus for the healing Christ had given. My heart is overwhelmed by His goodness and grace. I give Him thanks.

The Joy of Our Worship

Jesus made it pretty simple when He declared that it would be our love for one another that would signify to the world that we are His disciples. He said, "By this all the world will know you are my disciples because you love one another."

I think in like manner the world will know we are the disciples of Jesus Christ because of the joy in our worship that exists independent of circumstances in this life.

In studying and preaching through the Book of Nehemiah, there is one verse that has recently pierced my heart and lingered long on my mind. It has challenged me to examine whether my life of worship, as well as my gathering with other believers to worship, is marked by joy in the character of God and the great deeds of His hand.

The nation of Israel endured painful times as the city of Jerusalem was laid waste and the people were scattered throughout the ancient world. For 140 years the walls of Jerusalem were reduced to a pile of rubble. The gates remained charred from the fire set to them that left them ruined and unusable and of no value. Yet God used Nehemiah and the people and through them he empowered them to miraculously rebuild the city in 52 days.

It is no wonder that there was a great gathering of all the men, women, children, leaders, and officials to celebrate this and dedicate their lives and work to God. The verse that most strikes me from this account is this: "And they offered great sacrifices that day and rejoiced, for God had made them rejoice with great joy; the women and children also rejoiced. And the joy of Jerusalem was heard far away."

God has done more than rebuild my walls. He nailed His Son to the cross in my place to receive the punishment for my sin in order to rebuild a broken life. God has done more than restore me to the place of my ancestors. He through the resurrection of Christ has given me a life that restores me to the relationship and life I was made to have with and in Him.

If anyone should be able to say that "God has made them rejoice," it should be the followers of Jesus Christ who understand the gospel. The gospel isn't do better or try harder. The gospel is the message of good news that I am a wrecked man without hope whom God has lavished His grace, mercy, and compassion to make me what I could never be on my own.

All of this great work flows from the great heart and character of God. And He is to be worshipped and that worship is to be done with great joy and that worship of great joy should be a witness to the nations to the glory of God and His great name.

The worship of God's people should be a compelling witness to the world. The joy of their worship was heard far away that day. There's no record of what impact that witness of their worship may have had. But we do know that Rahab reported to the spies in the Book of Joshua how she had heard of their God and the mighty deeds He had done. What she had heard from far away led her to believe and follow God!

Does the world want to know our God because of the joy of our worship and the great God of whom our worship speaks?

My Confidence

Individuals take confidence in many different things including money, jobs, relationships, and more. All of these things can and often do change. The money we make is not the same. The job we have changes. Some relationship begin while others end, some grow while others go stagnant.

King Hezekiah who reigned in Judah rebelled against the Assyrians. As a result, the king of Assyria sent his commander and other officials to Jerusalem to intimidate or attack Hezekiah.

Encamped against Jerusalem, one official called out to Hezekiah asking, "On what are you basing this confidence of yours? You say you have the counsel and the might for war--but you speak only empty words. On whom are you depending, that you rebel against me?"

Hezekiah was a bright spot in the line of kings. He chose obedience to God rather than rebellion. He did what pleased God rather than what incited His wrath. Like David the revered king of Israel, Hezekiah sought to live righteously, removing all place of idolatrous worship. As a result, God was with him and he was successful in his leadership.

What the official of the Assyrian army didn't know was that Hezekiah's confidence was not in the power of his army, the force of his weapons, or the support of his allies but in the might of the great and mighty God. And rightly so!

After many taunts and endless threats of the Assyrians, including their declaration that the God of Israel had told them to attack, Hezekiah's confidence proved true. In one night, the angel of the Lord put to death 185,000 in the Assyrian camp. The next morning when the people woke up they found all the dead bodies. Dead bodies were strewn everywhere.

The right place to put our confidence is never in the ability, logic, power, or devices of men. It is always to put our confidence in the might and power of God. Only He is able to what no man or army can do. What is impossible for us is completely possible for Him.

We could not rescue ourselves from our sin. But God was able. We could not make a sufficient sacrifice to pay the penalty for our sins. But God was able.

This week we celebrate Christ's final entry into Jerusalem to endure the cross that was set before Him by the will of God the Father. Through the cross, God would pay for every sin and punish every act of disobedience by putting His own Son to death. Three days later, that same Son came back to life by the same incredible power of God, giving life to all who believe and opening the door to heaven for all who follow Him.

Now we take confidence not in our flesh and blood but in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Like Hezekiah, we face an enemy and hardship in this world that we should look past in order to see the God in whom our confidence has been placed.

Where does your confidence stand today?

Always Be Ready

I learn so many valuable lessons from our kids. Sometimes it isn't so much a learning of something new as a reminder of something old.

As you may already be aware, our son Micah has been listed on the national transplant list for a liver transplant. This will be his second transplant.

The transplant could come at any time. Even in the last two weeks, there was a liver he would have received but the size was not a right match. Every day we live with the reality that the call could come for us to make the journey to Duke Hospital for Micah to receive his new liver.

This morning Micah took a suitcase and began packing his things so he would be ready. Every time the phone rings, he is adamant that we answer it because, as he says, "It could be Duke!" There seems to be no day that passes now that the anticipation of this doesn't come up in conversation in our home, outside our home, and even with complete strangers.

It has been a deep and powerful reminder of how we can begin to live without urgency and expectation. Jesus made a promise and He always keeps His promises. He promised He would return for His children to take them home to be with Him forever, receiving the reward of their labor. In Matthew 24, He emphatically tells us to always be ready because "in such an hour that you think not, the Son of Man will return."

Am I living with the same expectation that any day and every day could be the last day?

Do I anticipate Jesus returning, as He promised, as though it could come today?

Are there things I've left undone? Words I've left unsaid? Acts I've yet to fulfill? Love I've failed to communicate and show? Gospel conversations I've avoided?

The truth is that the call could come today. Jesus could call all of His children to come home never to return here or leave His presence again. We must always be ready. We must live intentionally, passionately, and urgently. Are we really ready?

Make Us a City of Light

Jesus is the Light of the World. In Him is life and His life is the light of all people. When He entered into the world, darkened by disobedience and rebellion, the Light shone into the darkness and the darkness could not understand it. The darkness even sought to extinguish the Light by putting Jesus to death on the cross. But the grave could not hold Him and darkness could not put out the Light.

By the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Peter says we have been called out of darkness and into His marvelous light. Christ died once for all to rescue us out of darkness and convey us into His kingdom. Now as His followers, Jesus teaches that we are to be a city of light. He taught that His disciples are a city set on a hill to shine the light of Christ and the gospel into a dark world. 

Being a city of light includes living in such a way as to display to the world what life can be when individuals surrender to worship and obey Jesus Christ. Jesus' followers are anything but perfect. But the unfortunate truth is that the church has often struggled to be a light to the world. We either have hidden our light from the world, we have run from the darkness in fear, or we have simply looked and lived more like those outside of the kingdom of God than those who ruled and rescued by Jesus Christ.

God has made you, re-made you in Jesus Christ, and placed you where you are today. You are there as a Jesus-follower to display what life in Jesus Christ looks like. You are there as a Jesus-follower to declare how life in Jesus Christ is received. 

Take a Daniel moment:

1.  Celebrate that Jesus is the Light of the World and that His light never dims or goes out.

2.  Give thanks that the full assault of darkness on Jesus Christ could not extinguish His life or light.

3.  Thank God for calling you out of darkness and into His marvelous light.

4.  Pray that God will make you a city of light.

5.  Ask Jesus to make clear specific ways you can display and declare His light to the world beginning right where you are today.

Reprehensible

We say individuals are sinners, but we expect them to be perfect. We find it easier to point out another person's flaws than to praise another person's faith and obedience.

While studying I came cross this quote by John Calvin: "In every saint there is always to be found something reprehensible. Nevertheless although faith may be imperfect and incomplete it does not cease to be approved by God."

My nature and bent is to see the reprehensible in another person, even another follower of Jesus, and cast them away. We focus so much on their shortcomings we fail to praise the work of God in them.

Among those who have fallen prey to the enticement of sin and disobedience have been David and Samson. David committed adultery with a woman and then had her husband killed to conceal the child conceived in sin. Samson ignored the commands of God, rebelled against the authority of his parents, and married a woman who did not worship and honor God.  

As John Calvin notes, these things are reprehensible. Yet though their faith be imperfect and incomplete, their faith does not cease to be approved by God. In Hebrews 11, these two men are commended not for their sin or reprehensible acts, but for their faith.

The weak need compassion. The doubters need grace. When in another person's life we see the reprehensible, the question is how would the gospel say we are to respond. 

Jesus has properly warned us all that before we get so worked up about the speck in the eye of another person, may we first see that reprehensible log sticking out of our own eye. When that other person is a follower of Jesus, may we not throw away a brother or sister by whose faith in Christ has made them approved to God.

Take a Daniel moment:

1.  Praise God for mercy and grace that has forgiven our reprehensible acts.

2.  Pray for grace and mercy and strength to follow God in displaying and declaring the good news.

3.  Repent of your own reprehensible acts and pray for others struggling with their own.

Defining Love

How many times have you entered a conversation in which another person asks you to define love? Those conversations are always fun and quite interesting as individuals take their turns give their definition.

Today will be spent talking a lot about love and the ones we love. Gifts will be exchanged with individuals among just about every age and generation. Yet the world knows little of what love is and how true love demonstrates itself. 

The great fear is that this may be also true of me and many within the church today. We define and think of love as some mystical experience that comes upon us without us having any warning or responsibility. We describe love as a feeling. While our love for one another will be accompanied with feelings, our love is a decision to act toward one another for his or her good and as Jesus Christ has acted toward us.

Jesus said His new commandment was that we love one another as He has loved us. Paul's famous chapter on love in 1 Corinthians 13 perhaps describes Christ's love for us in a most illustrative way. He writes:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Christ's love is patient and kind, otherwise He would have erased us from history at the first act of rebellion. Instead, He has showed kindness to us. When Jesus came to earth, His love was demonstrated in humility and humbly He went to the cross. There was no boasting or arrogance. When in the garden He prayed, He did not insist on His own way, but rather He surrendered Himself anew to the will of the Father. And this all because of love for the world. 

His love for us did not rejoice in our rebellion and wrongdoing. Instead, He came to declare the truth to us so that the truth would make us free.  His love is stronger than all forces of evil and evil acts of humanity. It bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things. His love never ends.

The cross expresses the unimaginable love of God through Jesus Christ. This is the love He expects of His followers. And I have failed miserably.  The tragedy beyond my own disobedience and sin is that the world fails to see God's love displayed every time I fail to live out His love.

More important than us defining love is that love define us.

Jesus said by our love the whole world would know that we are His disciples. The love of Jesus should define everything about our lives. It doesn't mean we don't stand firm or speak truth. It just means it defines how we do so.

When I begin to love as Christ has loved, the world will know I am a follower of Jesus Christ. This may not always mean the world will come to follow Jesus, but it will be a compelling testimony that, for some, will lead them into the Kingdom of Christ.

Take a Daniel moment:

1. Praise God for the unconditional, unimaginable love He has shown toward us.
2. Ask God to teach you what it means to love all others as He has loved you.
3. Pray that our love for one another would compel sinners to follow Jesus.
4. Specifically pray for those you have difficulty loving. It is a great first step to God changing your heart.