The Lord is Our Shepherd

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young" (Isaiah 40:11). Yesterday Sarah and I received a very touching gift. One of our student ministry families created an entire container of Scripture memory verses for us. Each index card was decorated and contained a Scripture verse. This gift ministered to us greatly. As Sarah and I read through the verses chosen for each card, we came across this verse. This wasn't the first time it popped up along this journey. However, reading it again yesterday reinforced this truth and ministered to our hearts.

Being reminded that the Lord is like a shepherd; not a cowboy. He leads; he doesn't drive. Shepherds are tender. The shepherd knows His sheep and the sheep know their Shepherd. Furthermore, the shepherd is willing to do whatever it takes to care for His sheep, even laying down His life (John 15:13). Jesus Christ is our Great Shepherd. He tends His sheep, gathering His lambs in his arms and carries them close to His heart. Sometimes the hurt is immense as I survey the situation with Micah. But the Lord reminds me, he reminds us all, that He cares for Micah more than I ever could.

He created Micah. He sustains Micah. Most of all, He died for Micah. All the love that I have for my son does not compare to the love my Heavenly Father has for my son. To the best of my ability, I seek to care for him, nurture him and help him. Yet God can care for Him far greater than the care, ability or strength of a million or more people. He cares for him so much more than I do. He carries the young in His arms and close to His heart.

Today I've struggled. There are days when just being asked about Micah rips my heart. Other days it seems impossible to even shed a tear. On those days, I almost feel guilty. Days like today, I just feel weak and incapable. And I am. But no need to fear! Because we know that our Jesus, the One who is the Great Shepherd, cares for His little ones and carries them close to His heart. Oh the safety and security of the one who is held close to the Father's heart.

Today I've struggled. The day has been largely spent with Micah. I hurt for Isaac and Ethan. The difficulty of having to leave the older two in order to focus on the needs of Micah (which is so time consuming right now) grieves my heart. By no means do I want them to suffer or struggle. And yet this verse in Isaiah reminds me, "He gently leads those that have young." I pray the Lord will guide me as a parent. Oh how desperately I need His wisdom and guidance. I need His strength and His leadership in order that I might be the father God desires me to be and that I might lead my children and family as the Heavenly Father leads me. Parenting in general is hard work. Godly parenting in an ungodly world is impossible without the leadership of the Lord Jesus Christ. I desire that I would be led by the Father and know how to lead my family and my other children during this difficult season.

Both Micah and I had appointments at Duke today. Micah was scheduled for his two week labs (these are required once you are on the transplant list). He was seen by Dr. Berman as well, especially because the continual swelling of his stomach which is now occurring in his legs and feet. The previous steps to correct or alleviate this have been unsuccessful. We knew today's visit would either bring a new medicine or a potential hospital stay. The latter proved to be the case.

Dr. Berman decided to admit Micah to begin a process of trying to mobilize the fluid to get it out of the body. The procedure requires them to give Micah albumin, which is a protein. It basically causes the blood to be more concentrated thereby drawing the fluid collecting elsewhere in the body into the blood stream. This is administered over a one hour period. Following this dosage, he then receives a diuretic to hopefully allow his kidneys to process this fluid thereby allowing Micah to urinate the fluid out of the body. Sometimes this procedure works. Other times it does not. In the event it does not work, the doctor can do a more invasive procedure in which a needle is used to drain the fluid out of the abdominal cavity. At this point we don't know whether it will or won't work.

The concern with the fluid involved its potential pressure it might place on other organs. Once the fluid stretches the stomach as far as it can go, the pressure then turns inward. It can make breathing difficult and place pressure upon the heart to make the pumping of blood labored. So we wait and pray this method will work and as quick as possible. This hospital stay could be two to three days.

I also had an appointment today with Dr. Koo. He is the surgeon who performs the operation for the living donor. The meeting involved a thorough explanation of the procedure, risks and recovery for being a living donor. It was a good meeting. Following the meeting, I gave some more blood for a couple additional blood tests. Praise the Lord it was only 4 viles this time (though I'm not too squeamish about the whole giving blood and find it rather cool and fascinating).

At this point, I am waiting to hear what and when the next step will be for the screening process. I know an EKG and chest x-ray are fairly certain. There may also be a liver biopsy. Recently I learned that a genetic form of liver disease does run in our family (completely separate and unrelated to Micah's condition). It is called hemachromatosis. This condition is caused when the body stores too much iron which gets stored in major organs including the liver. This overload can cause damage to those organs like the liver. While all my tests have not revealed a high iron level, it may be necessary to do the liver biopsy to insure the health of my liver and to rule out my having this hereditary condition. The decision on what should be done regarding this will come from Dr. Smith whom I met about two weeks ago.

In all this, we simply ask you to pray for us and the doctors to have wisdom. Please pray that the method of trying to reduce the fluid collecting in Micah abdomen will be successful and happen as quickly as possible. For the continual screening process and steps, I also ask you to pray. As always, will you ask the Lord to help us to give glory to Him in all things? The Apostle Paul tells the believers in Thessalonica, "Pray without ceasing; giving thanks in everything." These two go together. We ought not pray without praise and thanksgiving. But we ought not give thanks and praise unless we have first given it to the Lord in prayer. We want to give the Lord the glory. Praying? Yes! Give thanks and glory to Him in all things? Yes!

Thank you for your faithfulness to pray and lift us up. May God be glorified in and through you this very day.