How Do I Connect and Belong

An individual at Refuge Church recently sent the link to a blog post by a fellow pastor and church planter. One thing that God continually reminds me of amidst the differences in ministry settings is that some things never change.  

People want to connect and belong with other individuals. We want to be loved and accepted. However, we often hear and say that we just don't feel connected or feel like we belong. I found Nathan Rouse's words pinpoint accurate and a great reminder.

A common phrase that pastors hear when a family leaves their church is “We just don’t feel connected.” I’ve heard it countless times. When a family makes this statement to me I always ask the following four questions. The answer inevitably is almost always no to each. Here they are: 

1. Are you serving in an area regularly? I’m not talking about passing out bulletins once a month as a greeter. I’m talking about substantially serving in a ministry within the church. There’s something about serving alongside one another that allows you to get to know one another and feel connected. 

2. Are you part of a small group? Most churches have small groups or Bible studies that you can be a part of. This is crucial for families to move from being anonymous in the church to being known and knowing others. These small group settings offer the opportunity to get real about life and to have an intimate connection with a group of people in your church. 

3. Are you spending time with some of your church family outside of Sunday worship service? This could a be over coffee, lunch or even a family cook out. If you’re not investing in building friendships you’ll have none. Nor can we wait to be invited. About 8 years ago my wife and I moved to a new church and we knew no one. For three weeks no one talked to us. It was brutal. But, after the third week I finally walked up to another couple and introduced ourselves and said, “Would you guys like to go have lunch?” Our relationships exploded after that. Stop waiting for the invite, be the inviter! 

4. Are you attending church more than twice a month? This is another issue that keeps people from feeling part of their church. If you’re gone half or more of the month of course you’re going to feel disconnected. The more often you’re in worship with your church family the more you’re going to feel connected to the vision and mission of the church. This will also give you more opportunities to grow in relationship. 

Most people that feel disconnected think that going somewhere else will solve the problem. It doesn’t. They end up feeling the same way in the next church because they’re behavior is the same. If your church is anything like mine it provides a ton of avenues to get connected. It just means you have to make the investment to get the relational pay off you’re looking for. I promise you if you do each of these four keys you will feel connected in your church family. Now, go be the friend you’re looking for

Leadership Structure

Church leadership structures vary across, as well as within, denominations. This post is not for the purpose of presenting the many varied structures and assessing the biblical merit or support for them. Rather the aim is to present the current and future leadership structure of Refuge Church.

In my reading and study of the Scriptures, I believe that the responsibility of leadership within the church was to fall upon the shoulders of one person (man). While I do affirm the place and role of a lead pastor, the early church in Acts and throughout the writings in Paul’s letters appears to have a plural leadership structure.

The word used for pastor is used synonymously in the New Testament with two others words—overseer and elder. We commonly use the term pastor (shepherd), since that is a common theme throughout Scripture, even being used to speak of Jesus, the Good Shepherd. Regardless of the term used, the New Testament talks about the plural elder leadership in the church.

James tells believers in his letter that a sick person can call on the “elders” to lay hands upon them, anointing them with oil, praying for their healing.

Paul and Barnabas appointed elders in every church in Acts 13 and Paul instructed Titus to appoint elders in every town. Furthermore, Paul gave qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 as to who can serve as an overseer, since those who lead must be an example.

Elders (pastors or overseers) serve the church by providing godly and Christ-centered leadership and the consistent picture in the New Testament is a plurality of elders in the church.  While some churches have deacons serve in the capacity of elders, Mark Driscoll distinguishes the two well when he notes that elders serve the church through leading while deacons lead the church through serving.

Refuge Church currently has a directional leadership team. This team serves in an elder capacity, providing leadership and taking oversight responsibility. The intent and direction of Refuge Church is for the church to be led by a team of elders.

Yet even elders cannot shoulder all the responsibility within the church nor should they. In fact, one key responsibility of pastors/elders is to equip believers in the church to use their abilities and gifts to do the work of ministry. This is where at Refuge Church our ministry teams come into place.

Ministry teams are set-up to address specific ministry needs or accomplish specific ministry goals. For instance, at Refuge we have our First Impressions team as one of our ministry teams. This group takes responsibility for the guest experience from the parking lot to the worship area.  The Worship Team and A/V Team are also ministry teams that help set-up our worship space and lead in the worship service. With all these teams a directional leader/elder oversees and works together with the team leader and team to accomplish goals, address concerns, advance our mission, and meet our core values.

It is important that we move ahead with cultivating our ministry team leadership, as well as develop our directional leadership team further. 

Two items are of specific focus for all our teams in moving forward: meeting together and constantly refocusing and aligning with the mission.  Portability and the volume of things, not always seen, have hampered consistently having our ministry teams meet together. This directly flows into constantly refocusing and aligning with the mission. Over time, all companies and churches can drift from their intended purpose and original vision. Refocusing and continual realignment with our mission is needful to fight the drift.

I am certain as we mature at Refuge Church our leadership needs and structure will mature and grow.  I am incredibly grateful for all of those serving and leading at Refuge Church with our directional team, ministry teams, Life Groups, worship, kids ministry, and student ministry.  Be steadfast and unmovable as you flourish in the work of the Lord.


If interested in reading further on elders and elder leadership, consider this book by Benjamin Merkle. Click here.

Team Effort

For years it has been reported that in most churches 80% of the work is carried on the backs of 20% of the people. In truth, this could be more optimistic than reality (some suggesting that it is more like 90/10).

Why this is true cannot be reduced to one single issue. Reasons range from a person diffusing responsibility to others around them to the selfish pleasure of merely seeing church for what one gets rather than what one can give.

Individuals sometimes do not volunteer because they got "burned out" trying to do too much or because they don't like the way things are being done. Others have so flooded their schedules and the schedules of their family that they simply do not believe they have the time to give. Still others simply have never come to realize that God has gifted them for the benefit of His church and the advancement of His mission.

The beauty at Refuge Church, since we are a church plant and have known from the beginning this is a team effort, is that we are certainly above the 80/20 margin. Even so there are still areas where volunteers are needed, still individuals who haven't yet connected in an area of serving, and still blessings individuals are missing out on until they choose to take the next step of volunteering/serving.

These are specific areas where you can connect and be blessed in serving at Refuge Church, as well as meet needs as we serve together to fulfill our mission.

Kids Ministry
We believe at Refuge Church that no one is too young to begin hearing and learning about God's love and encountering Jesus personally. Our youngest ones at Refuge Church aren't just tagging along with adults, they are here for us to display the gospel and declare the hope of Jesus Christ.

Areas to Serve: Early Childhood on Sundays or in our Kids Worship on Sundays.

Set-up and Take Down
Sometimes being a portable church we get a sense of what the Israelites experienced in the wilderness. Each week we set-up our worship, kids, guest services, and next steps areas.

Areas to Serve: Set-up Team or Take Down Team.

Guest Services
Every week we typically have first time guests. We strive hard to think about the guest experience from the moment they pull into the entrance till the moment they leave the campus. Reports show that 87% of guests do not return for a second time. When a guest returns for a second time they are significantly more likely to continue coming. Guest services focuses on first impressions, greeting, and assisting guests who are unfamiliar with things we take for granted (where are the bathrooms, where do my kids go, where is the worship area).

Areas to Serve: Guest Services Set-up, Guest Services Greeting/Guest Reception

Worship
We were made to worship and worship is the most important aspect of who we are individually and at Refuge Church. We want to continually create an atmosphere of worship and lead individuals to behold and worship Christ.

Areas to Serve: A/V Team, Worship Team, Creative Team (for worship and message series)

Connections
We want to strive to create better connecting points for guests and regular attendees at Refuge Church. 
The primary way for individuals to connect and belong in community is Refuge Life Groups. Additionally, we want to create periodic times in 2014 for connection among different Life Groups and for connection among all Refuge Church. We hope to have quarterly men and women's connection times, along with periodic lunches following our worship gatherings.

Areas to Serve: Life Group Leader, Life Group Host, Connections Coordinator (men and/or women)

Ministry and Administrative Assistance
As resources allow, our goal will be to have a ministry and administrative staff assistant. In the meantime, volunteers who have interest in taking tasks that arise would free pastoral staff to focus on primary areas of responsibility.

Areas to Serve: Office tasks, data entry, ministry projects, local mission partnership outreach/planning


As we advance forward, there will be other needs that arise. But when everyone sees the work and mission of Refuge Church as his or her work and mission, everyone will find his or her place of volunteering and we will see the beauty and power of God working through a team (body).

If you are not currently volunteering and would like to be connected with the Ministry Team Leader of any of these areas, please email me at Justin@refugenc.org or Chris Leader at Chris@refugenc.org.

Life Groups

Call them what you will.   Most churches have some form of small group that meets together. In a more traditional setting, you are likely to call them Sunday School classes, often meeting on Sunday morning at the church campus.  Others refer to them as small groups, community groups, core groups, or something similar that meet together throughout the week in homes.

At Refuge Church we call our small groups Life Groups. They meet in homes throughout the week as a crucial part of who we are at Refuge.  In fact, church growth experts indicate that individuals who do not build 7 meaningful relationships in their first year at a church will likely not remain.

Our Life Groups enable meaningful relationships to form as individuals live the gospel together.  This is the beauty, power, and purpose behind Life Groups.

Those who have connected with God through faith in Jesus Christ are now able to belong in biblical community with other believers as God made us to live. This is not to say that those who have not begun a relationship with Jesus Christ cannot be part of a Life Group. To the contrary, the display of the gospel as believers in the Life Group live the gospel together can be as powerful a testimony to lead a person to faith as hearing the gospel declared alone.

The gospel is lived together in Life Groups in four ways.

Belonging ::

All people, Christian or not, are made to live in community with other people.  Tragically, our rebellion against God not only severed the relationship we were made to have with God, but also the relationship we were created to enjoy with one another in community. The gospel makes community possible by bringing individuals to belong together in Christ.  Brad House writes, “Community is for us a declaration of the overwhelming love of God, a tangible proclamation of the reconciling work of the cross.” We are reconciled to Christ and to one another by Jesus’s death and resurrection.

Discipleship ::

Those reconciled to Christ and one another take the word of God to apply it in living life together, individuals learn and teach the gospel. Life Groups move out of the arena of seeing one teacher with many disciples to the arena of a community of disciples who disciple one another.

Care ::

The church is responsible to love one another and care for one another as we live out the gospel. Christ is the Great Samaritan who came to care for the great needs of humanity. As we care for one another, not just in the crisis moments but in every moment, we display the gospel with our lives. We will be known as Christ-followers by our love for one another.

Mission ::

God’s greatest resource in accomplishing His mission is people.  Living the gospel together means growing in compassion for those without Christ who have yet to be transformed by the gospel as our lives have been. Life Groups engage in missional service to see the good news of Christ’s kingdom displayed and declared.


Life Groups are about belonging in community to live the gospel.  All four of these are, for believers, an outflow of good news received. Everyone was made for community, to belong and be accepted, to love and be loved.  Even more do those reconciled to the Creator through Christ have a desire to belong in community with other believers who are the family of God.