How Do I Connect and Belong

An individual at Refuge Church recently sent the link to a blog post by a fellow pastor and church planter. One thing that God continually reminds me of amidst the differences in ministry settings is that some things never change.  

People want to connect and belong with other individuals. We want to be loved and accepted. However, we often hear and say that we just don't feel connected or feel like we belong. I found Nathan Rouse's words pinpoint accurate and a great reminder.

A common phrase that pastors hear when a family leaves their church is “We just don’t feel connected.” I’ve heard it countless times. When a family makes this statement to me I always ask the following four questions. The answer inevitably is almost always no to each. Here they are: 

1. Are you serving in an area regularly? I’m not talking about passing out bulletins once a month as a greeter. I’m talking about substantially serving in a ministry within the church. There’s something about serving alongside one another that allows you to get to know one another and feel connected. 

2. Are you part of a small group? Most churches have small groups or Bible studies that you can be a part of. This is crucial for families to move from being anonymous in the church to being known and knowing others. These small group settings offer the opportunity to get real about life and to have an intimate connection with a group of people in your church. 

3. Are you spending time with some of your church family outside of Sunday worship service? This could a be over coffee, lunch or even a family cook out. If you’re not investing in building friendships you’ll have none. Nor can we wait to be invited. About 8 years ago my wife and I moved to a new church and we knew no one. For three weeks no one talked to us. It was brutal. But, after the third week I finally walked up to another couple and introduced ourselves and said, “Would you guys like to go have lunch?” Our relationships exploded after that. Stop waiting for the invite, be the inviter! 

4. Are you attending church more than twice a month? This is another issue that keeps people from feeling part of their church. If you’re gone half or more of the month of course you’re going to feel disconnected. The more often you’re in worship with your church family the more you’re going to feel connected to the vision and mission of the church. This will also give you more opportunities to grow in relationship. 

Most people that feel disconnected think that going somewhere else will solve the problem. It doesn’t. They end up feeling the same way in the next church because they’re behavior is the same. If your church is anything like mine it provides a ton of avenues to get connected. It just means you have to make the investment to get the relational pay off you’re looking for. I promise you if you do each of these four keys you will feel connected in your church family. Now, go be the friend you’re looking for

Shadrach the Bird

I had an African Grey bird when I was in college.  His name was Shadrach and his stay with me was short-lived (that's another story). But he stayed long enough that I learned what the word repeat really means.

African Greys are  medium-sized parrots from the rain forests of West and Central Africa.  The African-Grey is regarded by many experts as one of the most intelligent birds in the world. 

Shadrach's mimicry amazed me. He would repeat the words I said over and over to him with precision of both the words and the tone of my voice.  At other times, he would seek to mimic the tone of others including my sister-in-law.

It wasn't until I had spoken the word or phrase to him numerous times that he finally picked it up.

Richard Nixon had a good quote.  No, not the "I am not a crook" quote.  He said, "You know, when I'm tired of hearing it, I know my staff has gotten it. And when my staff is tired of hearing it, I know the press corps has gotten it. And when the press corps is tired of hearing it, I know the nation has gotten it."

As we put in place foundational pieces upon which the life and ministry of Refuge Church will be built, there are foundational truths that will be repeated over and over again. That isn't an apology but a promise.  For I, like most, can easily become distracted and lose focus of not just the what, but, more importantly, the why.

One of the most important statements I will repeat is our vision/mission statement.  This statement encapsulates not only why I believe Christ led us to begin this new work, but also how we desire to do this. 

We want to be a church that displays and declares the good news of Christ's kingdom to individuals near and far.

Refuge Church is the work of God to display and declare the good news of His kingdom to those of every tribe and nation, beginning where we are, for His ultimate glory.

We desire to accomplish this vision by leading individuals to connect in a relationship with Jesus Christ, belong in community with other Christ followers, and serve the world by displaying the gospel in action and declaring the gospel in word.

This is our focus and 'why' Refuge Church began.  This is our mission and purpose in God's redemptive plan.  This will be repeated a lot, along with a number of other key principles and truths for Refuge Church. When we are tired of hearing it, then we may have only begun to accomplish it.

Life Groups

Call them what you will.   Most churches have some form of small group that meets together. In a more traditional setting, you are likely to call them Sunday School classes, often meeting on Sunday morning at the church campus.  Others refer to them as small groups, community groups, core groups, or something similar that meet together throughout the week in homes.

At Refuge Church we call our small groups Life Groups. They meet in homes throughout the week as a crucial part of who we are at Refuge.  In fact, church growth experts indicate that individuals who do not build 7 meaningful relationships in their first year at a church will likely not remain.

Our Life Groups enable meaningful relationships to form as individuals live the gospel together.  This is the beauty, power, and purpose behind Life Groups.

Those who have connected with God through faith in Jesus Christ are now able to belong in biblical community with other believers as God made us to live. This is not to say that those who have not begun a relationship with Jesus Christ cannot be part of a Life Group. To the contrary, the display of the gospel as believers in the Life Group live the gospel together can be as powerful a testimony to lead a person to faith as hearing the gospel declared alone.

The gospel is lived together in Life Groups in four ways.

Belonging ::

All people, Christian or not, are made to live in community with other people.  Tragically, our rebellion against God not only severed the relationship we were made to have with God, but also the relationship we were created to enjoy with one another in community. The gospel makes community possible by bringing individuals to belong together in Christ.  Brad House writes, “Community is for us a declaration of the overwhelming love of God, a tangible proclamation of the reconciling work of the cross.” We are reconciled to Christ and to one another by Jesus’s death and resurrection.

Discipleship ::

Those reconciled to Christ and one another take the word of God to apply it in living life together, individuals learn and teach the gospel. Life Groups move out of the arena of seeing one teacher with many disciples to the arena of a community of disciples who disciple one another.

Care ::

The church is responsible to love one another and care for one another as we live out the gospel. Christ is the Great Samaritan who came to care for the great needs of humanity. As we care for one another, not just in the crisis moments but in every moment, we display the gospel with our lives. We will be known as Christ-followers by our love for one another.

Mission ::

God’s greatest resource in accomplishing His mission is people.  Living the gospel together means growing in compassion for those without Christ who have yet to be transformed by the gospel as our lives have been. Life Groups engage in missional service to see the good news of Christ’s kingdom displayed and declared.


Life Groups are about belonging in community to live the gospel.  All four of these are, for believers, an outflow of good news received. Everyone was made for community, to belong and be accepted, to love and be loved.  Even more do those reconciled to the Creator through Christ have a desire to belong in community with other believers who are the family of God.

Connect :: Belong :: Serve

This blog revisits last week's blog post on the Refuge Church mission in order to expand on it briefly as I take a look at how we accomplish this through Refuge.  The follow-up posts this week will examine our worship, life groups and serving (cause I know you have questions about all three). But for now we return to the overarching mission.

Our vision/mission at Refuge Church is to display and declare the good news of Christ's kingdom to individuals near and far.  How this practically looks in the life of our church can be summed up in three words: Connect :: Belong :: Serve.


Connect ::

The greatest need of every human heart and life is to connect with God in a relationship through Jesus Christ. In displaying the gospel and declaring the gospel of reconciliation and hope, we desire to lead others to connect in this eternal relationship. As a result, we live to worship and make famous the glory of God.

Belong ::

All people, whether Christian or not, are made to live in community with other people. As the old saying goes, "No man is an island unto himself."  Better yet, no man was made to be an island unto himself. Connecting in a relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ enables us to enjoy and belong in community with others as we were intended. 

Serve ::

Christ came not to be served, but to serve. In serving others, we fulfill the second greatest commandment to love others as ourselves.  In this we display the good news of Christ's kingdom as we seek to declare the gospel (good news) of Christ's message of salvation and hope. Serving should be purposeful and intentional, for Christ came with purpose and intent to serve our spiritual need (forgiveness of sin in order to connect with God) and our physical need (restoring all broken things to Himself).


Refuge Church exists to display and declare the good news of Christ's kingdom to individuals near and far, by leading others to connect in a relationship with God, belong in biblical community, and serve the world for the fame and glory of God.